Donald Trump

White House Renovations

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After a fun and inspiring weekend of No Kings protests (which I’ll be posting about later as this month’s Patreon exclusive), it was back to the Trump’s Demented Fascism Show. In the midst of the shutdown, drone-striking innocent people in international waters, and ICE continuing to terrorize cities, this administration demolished the East Wing of the White House to build their Bribery Ballroom, brought to you by corporate sponsors and the failure to enforce the Emoluments Clause the first time around.

Destroying an historic building is obviously minor compared to the daily horrors Trump’s inflicting on actual living human beings, but the symbolism to what he’s doing to the country is so blatant even the media is starting to notice the big ol’ binch ain’t right in the head. Maybe the Democratic leadership will be next to notice.

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Linda McMahon’s Cuckoo Curriculum

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he Back-to-School stuff is already off the shelves and replaced with Halloween stuff. Or maybe that’s just the effect of the tariffs. I thought the Supreme Court already rubber-stamped the elimination of the Department of Education, but I looked it up and Linda McMahon’s still around.

Higher education getting decimated has gotten most of the attention, but K-12’s getting wrecked, too. The public school versions, anyway. Rich kids will still have access to fine, private educations, where they’ll get straight Cs until they get a job at their parents’ firms.

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Presidential Physical Fitness Test

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In 2013, the Presidential Physical Fitness Test we all grew up with was replaced with more general lifestyle guidelines because that test was dumb. Situps, pullups, and running shuttles back and forth were nothing compared to the workout we got whipping dodgeballs at each other. Now Mr. “Exercise Depletes Your Body’s Finite Supply of Energy” brought it back because he’s demented and surrounded by idiot fascists who think pullups and seed oils will bring about a new generation of übermenschen.

The ironic thing about this push to get kids to exercise more is that I’ve already been doing more than I ever have in my life just to avoid seeing this guy’s fucking face on my computer and phone. It’s probably a good thing too, since who knows how much longer we’ll have any health care to rely on.

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Epstein Excuses

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A scandal is finally sticking to Trump because his dementia has caused him to forget about the Streisand Effect. He previously plowed past every outrage and continued being the worst person on Earth to his adoring fans. For whatever reason, the Epstein accusations are really causing our swollen big boy distress and only an idiot would stop pressing him on the issue.

And if Bill Clinton gets dragged down with him, I say: GOOD.

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Pictures of JD Vance to Delete Before Entering the United States

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Tourists are getting harassed by Border Patrol for having silly pictures of JD Vance on their phones (which are now routinely searched along with all social media activity) so I figured I’d add to the available material.

It’s been about a year since Vance was trotted out as the VP nominee and he’s been telling baseless lies ever since. Rather than waste time refuting things even he doesn’t believe, he should be mocked and ridiculed. It’s impossible to bully a guy who’s one slip n’ fall away from becoming the most powerful person in the world.

Tim Walz was right to call him a weird couch fucker before the consultants ruined the Minnesota zing-master.

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Republican Budget Games

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Fascism now has a congressionally approved budget and the Supreme Court’s seal of approval. Happy 4th of July anyway. Jefferson and Adams both died on that date and maybe it’ll happen again.

This budget is a horror show and gives ICE enough funding to send a whole team in ill-fitting tactical gear to rendition me for depicting them as a Kirby-pig. They’re already building the camps and anyone who thinks you’re being hyperbolic for saying this is a blissful idiot. I’m honestly jealous of their ignorance. Knowing the horrors that are coming doesn’t feel great, man.

I’m old and had an NES during my formative years, then moved over to the Sega Genesis instead of the SNES. I had the N64 and Gamecube in college, but references run dry once I moved over to the Playstation.

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Summer Stinkers

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I’ve been too busy to see any new movies this year. I’ll definitely check out Sinners when it hits VOD and I get our TV set up at a new apartment. Everything else looks like an airplane watch, and I ain’t going on one of those any time soon, unless Nathan Fielder is the pilot.

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Trump’s Tariff Rations

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The container ships have slowed to a crawl (not because of something funny like the one that got stuck in the Suez Canal), and soon shelves will be empty. Many people predicted this would happen the night of the election. Unfortunately all of them were at home pulling their hair out while people on TV were chattering about all the other misery they’d soon be gleefully covering.

I was a kid in the ’80s when there were jokes and whole sitcom episodes about the empty shelves in the Soviet Union and its satellites. Now we’ll be the ones smuggling blue jeans and records printed on old x-rays.

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