Election Eve Tricks
Early voter turnout is at an all-time high in spite of Republicans’ voter suppression shenanigans, but they have one more trick up their sleeves.
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JD Vance
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Everyone persuadable has heard the moral cases to vote against Donald Trump. If that hasn’t motivated them to vote, I’m not sure anything will. So I offer this very selfish reason to want Kamala Harris and Tim Walz to win in less than two weeks.
I’m very tired of reading about, thinking about, and drawing this vile human being. I was in my mid-thirties when he first descended that gilded escalator. I’m now 45 and would like to use a palette that doesn’t include that orange makeup, blue suit, or red tie before I hit my fifties. Let your voice be heard and Make Brian Draw Farts Again!
There are positive reasons to vote FOR Harris-Walz, not just AGAINST Trump, but that’s enough for me. No one should waste time arguing with people who can’t stomach voting for whatever reason. The goal is to get out the vote (in swings states, the rest of us can pound sand), not win arguments online. If someone’s not budging, move on to someone who is. There’s less than two weeks left!
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Campaign Closers
There’s still over two weeks left, and anything can happen, etc., but I’m voting early this weekend and ready for this to be over. And judging from Trump’s town-hall-turned-dance-party, so is he. They’ll still attempt to steal it, but if the coup has the same energy as their campaign events, it’ll be more funny than scary.
The Harris campaign is actually campaigning, and will be through election day. I’m hoping they stop kissing centrists’ butts immediately after, but for now, to avoid getting yelled at by people suffering from severe election anxiety, I won’t say anything else.
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V.P. Debate Preview
There are probably a dozen undecided voters whose fickle minds will be decided by Tuesday’s vice presidential debate. For everyone else, it will be a chance to goof on J.D. Vance some more.
Nothing Republicans have thrown at Tim Walz in return has stuck. He just comes across as a normal nice white guy, whose mere existence makes the weird and evil white guys look even worse by comparison.
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Trump Campaign Events
The week after Labor Day is usually when campaigns really kick off, but Trump isn’t doing anything until Saturday. Even Biden has done more campaign events, and he ostensibly withdrew from the race because he couldn’t keep pace with Trump.
This won’t be all presidential election stuff for the next eight weeks (plus additional time for coup attempts), but I took a long weekend and was slow to catch up on anything else this week. Unless something incredibly riffable happens at next week’s debate, I’ll probably do something about our other ongoing disasters to give my sense of dread something else to chew on for a while.
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Democratic Convention BINGO
The DNC started last night and only real sickos are watching the whole thing. I’m one of those sickos.
This year’s actually has some relevance, since the Harris/Walz campaign is on a much more abbreviated schedule than the usual presidential campaigns that go on for years before any ballots are cast. There will be corny stuff, because this is a convention full of party die-hards, but the contrast with the RNC’s weeklong hate-a-thon is striking, and hopefully normie voters who don’t follow all this stuff notice.
I did a similar BINGO card for the 2016 DNC for The Nib (RIP) if you’re curious. It is definitely pleasant to be drawing some new faces this time around, and hopefully I can be done drawing Trump come January 2025.
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This a large cartoon, and ALT-TEXT can’t cover all the panels, so here is a transcription:
(comic – A grid laid out like a BINGO card.)
Democratic National Convention BINGO
(panel 1 – Hillary Clinton and Al Gore consoling each other.)
Electoral College Support Group
(panel 2 – A hand holding a “CEASEFIRE NOW!” protest sign.)
Pro-Palestine Protester
(panel 3 – Kamala Harris speaking.)
Patronizing the Protesters
Harris, “VOTE! And you might be heard!”
(panel 4 – Laura Ingraham being angry.)
Fox News Freak-out
(panel 5 – An editor crying.)
The Chicago Tribune throws a tantrum for an exclusive interview
(panel 6 – Obama parachuting in vacation gear.)
Obama Returns from Vacation
(panel 7 – A silhouette of a crowd with someone crowdsurfing.)
Abortion Mentioned without no qualifiers
(panel 8 – Front page of the New York Times.)
New York Times Misrepresents Something
headline, “Balloon Drop Flop Good News for Trump”
(panel 9 – Tim Walz with microphone in front of a brick wall.)
Tim Walz Tells a Dad Joke
(panel 10 – A Chicago riot cop.)
Chicago Cops Behave Chicago Copishly
(panel 11 – Cameras surrounded George Clooney.)
Celebrity More Famous than Hulk Hogan
(panel 12 – A camcorder shot of Jimmy Carter)
Jimmy Carter Cam
(panel 13 – In the Harris/Walz campaign font.)
Free Space
(panel 14 – A man in MAGA hat rewrittend to spell KAMALA.)
Token Republican Convert
(panel 15 – A text exchange.)
Fundraising Text Interruption
text, “Donate now to pay for some consultant’s vacation home!”
reply, “STOP!”
(panel 16 – Kamala Harris wearing a Wisconsin cheese head.)
Swing State Pandering
(panel 17 – President Biden looking confused.)
Biden Sundowns
(panel 18 – President rakishly peeking over aviators.)
Dark Brandon Rises
(panel 19 – JD Vance peering over a couch.)
Couch Joke Humped to Death
(panel 20 – Jake Tapper making a paper airplane.)
Cable News Wastes Your Time
(panel 21 – Bill Clinton speaking.)
Bill Clinton Courts the Youth Vote
Clinton, “Hawk Tuah?”
(panel 22 – The word “weird” in a word cloud.)
“Weird” Used So Much It No Longer Sounds Like a Word
(panel 23 – A delegate wearing a novelty t-shirt.)
Random Delegate Becomes Viral Sensation
t-shirt, “I (heart) BOFA DEEZ DEMS!”
(panel 24 – Trump angry and holding a phone.)
Ex-Prez Shares a Deranged Thought
(panel 25 – Kamala Harris emphatically dropping a microphone in front of a backdrop.)
Harris Makes Her Case
backdrop, “No More Trump”
Leaked Emails from the Trump Campaign!
Someone or some government agency successfully phished the Trump campaign and obtained its emails. They then contacted several media outlets about leaking them, but all refused citing “ethics in political journalism” or some other horseshit.
They famously didn’t do this in 2016, when it was Hillary Clinton’s emails. Back then, everything was published on Wikileaks first, so they had the veneer of covering important documents that were “already out there” despite the illegal provenance. This doesn’t explain why the NYTimes spent months breathlessly covering even the most benign of those emails in the hopes of generating a scandal, or at least a quantity of coverage that implied there was one.
As the polls look worse for Trump, the media will work harder to prop him up. Not necessarily for ideological means, but because a close race is good for readership and advertiser numbers.
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This is a wordy comic, and I’ve had trouble getting alt-text to work with it. Here’s the full transcript:
(panel 1 – Title in the style of the Trump/Vance logo.)
Leaked Emails from the Trump Campaign
(panel 2 – An email from Roger Stone.)
Subject: HACKED!
From: Roger Stone roger@weirdheads.biz
Hey man,
I clicked a link for Nixon nudes (for research purposes only), but it turned out to be a phishing attack.
Just a heads up.
Whoops,
Rog
(panel 3 – An email from Kevin Sorbo.)
Subject: RNC SPEAKING SLOT?
From: Kevin Sorbo K.Sorbs@dlist-divas.geocities.org
Mr. President,
Why didn’t I get a spot at the convention? I was more famous than Hulk Hogan for a few minutes in the ’90s.
No worries though! If you want, I can post a really racist tweet about your new opponent. Let me know.
Kevin
(panel 4 – An email from Steven Cheung.)
Subject: EPSTEIN’S PLANE
From: Steven Cheung Cheung@donaldjtrump.com
Boss,
We’ve leased Epstein’s plane while yours is in for repairs. I don’t anticipate any bad press from this.
Steven
P.S. Because you’ve stiffed so many contractors, none will agree to get the Dershowitz stains out.
(panel 5 – An email from J.D. Vance.)
Subject: WRONG RALLY LOCATION?
From: JD Vance pigboy@donaldjtrump.com
Dear Sir,
No one’s here and there wasn’t any advance work done. Please send me the correct location and I’ll hop on a bus A.S.A.P.
JD
(panel 6 – An email from A.G. Sulzberger.)
Subject: ALL GOOD
From: A.G. Sulzberger nepobaby@nytimes.com
President Trump,
Don’t worry. We’re not going to make a whole thing about your emails because we want you to win.
Maggie says hi.
Dash
Make Your Own J.D. Vance Comic
A year of news happened since last week’s comic. I haven’t watched a minute of the Republican National Convention. Trump’s speaking as I type this. No thank you. Recaps and screenshots from folks who subjected themselves to it was enough for me.
Vance was announced as Trump’s VP pick on Monday, and it’s a choice that signals they’re not even trying to win votes that weren’t already in the bag. He’s a Christian nationalist and white supremacist, and anyone who was enthralled by his dumb book is a mark.
As for Saturday’s assassination attempt, you can’t be charged with incitement if you don’t say anything at all.
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