comics


Presidential Hiding Locations   Recently updated !

(panel 1 - Title on a Secret Service dossier.)
Presidential Hiding Locations
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After dubious intelligence from the Israelis about an Iranian assassination plot, the Secret Service whisked Trump off of Air Force One in a catering cart and flew his fat ass to the UK on a military plane. Members of his cabinet and the press remained on the decoy plane which is a very funny way to find out you’re not in his inner circle after a decade spent debasing yourself to get in his (quite smelly) orbit.

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Munitions Shortage Solutions

(panel 1 - Title around the Department of Losing seal.)
Munitions Shortage Solutions
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If there’s one thing that’s consistent about this administration (besides all the racism) it’s their inability to understand supply chains and logistics. Thankfully that’s led them to being unable to do as much damage as they’d like.

They’ve already blown through the stockpile of missiles, which will take years to build back up. Everyone knows this, including Iran, which is why this dumb war continues to drag on in a state of on-again, off-again skirmishes.

I’m sure Raytheon’s board and stockholders are surprised to learn that this administration somehow found a way to make war unprofitable.

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Blight at the Museums

(panel 1 - Title pasted over a Smithsonian Museum sign.)
Blight at the Museums
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Trump’s been beefing with the Smithsonian ever since he got back into office. The attacks have ramped up recently, with signs warning passersby that dangerous facts may lurk in the various museums that surround the National Mall. Unlike the National Parks, the Smithsonian has resisted most of his meddling so far, but American Institutions don’t have a great track record when it comes to fighting this latest round of fascism.

These free museums are the jewel of DC’s Federal Zone, which would be otherwise full of nothing but lanyard-wearing dweebs or Nazi dweebs in khakis. I’ve never made it to the Air and Space Museum’s annex at Dulles, or the Intrepid Museum in NYC, so I’ve yet to see one of the retired Space Shuttles. I’ll have to make do with the ancient Gemini capsule replica at Boston’s Museum of Science that’s been there since I was a little kid.

Headlines, and my comics as well, have mostly moved on, but Trump was best friends with deceased pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. It’s a real easy way to remember that Trump is the worst without having to get into the weeds about any given week’s controversy.

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Silicon Schlock Market

(panel 1 - Meta's Glasses styled to look like an X-Ray Specs ad.)
Silicon Schlock Market
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At some point in the last quarter century, “tech” in the United States became the field of business school dullards instead of people who actually make things people want or need. Real innovations in green energy, medicine, and pure science are still happening every day, but because the finance bros can’t immediately monetize them, we’re stuck with rent-seeking apps and flat-out scams.

Nobody wants this stuff, but they keep selling it. Singling out Kara Swisher might not be warranted, but she got rich slinging this shit. Hyping up Elon Musk is a huge reason why she’s where she is, and he is without exaggeration, a mass murderer.

Members of Exclusive Early Access might remember I first came up with this idea in Orphan Doodles. I switched the Meta Glasses bit up a bit from that initial sketch, but that’s why the sketch was an orphan. I might modify that panel into a t-shirt when I get the time. Let me know if you’d wear Pervert Glasses on your chest, not your face!

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Biohacking Hacks

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Manosphere influencers like Clavicular and Andrew Tate are giving young men the same distorted body image issues magazines have been giving to women since the invention of the printing press. Some of these dumbasses have even claimed hitting faces with hammers can improve jawlines. I don’t know if it’s actually been done, but it’s become an apocryphal detail about the world of masculinity influencers.

Instead of these freaks who look like somebody slapped a blow-up doll’s face on a mop, people should make Tom Savini their masculine role model. This legend has made movie monsters for decades, and still has the time to be jacked at 78.

Meanwhile, those of us who don’t care if we look like shit are terrified of getting the salad shits. Cyclospora is all over the news and our food supply. With an incubation period of up to two weeks, I’ll only know if I already swallowed one of these microscopic time bombs if I get explosive diarrhea.

Speaking of diarrhea, RFK Jr. and the rest of the administration are obviously responsible after dismantling the CDC, FDA, and every other acronym that provided some modicum of public service. I knew they were capable of all this evil, but never predicted they’d take the joy out of making diarrhea jokes.

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Emergency Obituary Cartoons

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I have a part-time day job, so my ability to draw breaking news is pretty limited. I wanted to get these out there in case Mitch McConnell’s alleged aliveness over the last few weeks is finally debunked. Please don’t share until he’s really and most sincerely dead though. I wouldn’t want to be rude to one of the dudes most responsible for the current fascist state of things.

I might write more of my Mitch Thoughts when it officially happens, but since I spent a good chunk of my career drawing this ghoul, I wanted to get a cartoon out there. I was honestly kind of surprised he’s still a sitting senator. Since he passed the Senate Republican leadership over the Thune, he’s rarely made news except for falling down and glitching out.

Rest in piss, Mitch (Eventually)!

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