Pete Hegseth


Reflecting Pool Party

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The Reflecting Pool Saga has been an amusing synecdoche for this administration’s incompetence. Unlike everything else they’ve touched, no actual people have been killed (yet, and sorry to diminish the lives of those poor ducks), although several have been arrested for touching the paint that JJ Carafo was paid $1.7 million to slap on there before it immediately started peeling.

Somehow people manage to maintain large pools throughout the world, even in Florida, without them becoming toxic sludge within a week. But every contractor who knows what they’re doing knows Trump doesn’t honor contracts, so only grifters were left to do the grifter-in-chief’s work for his tacky 250th July 4th celebrations in DC.

Our country stinks, but I’ll be celebrating anyway, eating lobster rolls somewhere away from all the tourists in Boston for the holiday, and watching illegal fireworks neighbors smuggled south from New Hampshire. I hope you’ll be having some fun over the long weekend too.

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More Identified Aerial Phenomena

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Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon released more “UAP” files and like every time before, they’ve proved nothing but the existence of blurry videos. No need for extraterrestrials while this administration is terrorizing the planet with bombs, embargoes, and a daily torrent of the stupidest stuff the galaxy has ever seen.

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Exit Strategies

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After starting a war without a plan, the United States may be about to end it without one, while leaving Iran with more leverage that it had before it began now that it’s collecting tolls from ships passing through the Strait of Hormuz. The administration’s attempts to spin this as a victory aren’t landing with the MAGA crowd, who usually will eat whatever Trump serves them, but apparently even they have a limit and it’s $4+ gas.

Thousands of innocents killed, billions wasted, and turning the United States into a pariah state all because a sundowning pedophile got bored and thought some explosions would liven up his TV time. Now he’s bored again, and we all have to sit helplessly and wait for him to pick his next target. Unless you’re in Congress. There’s a lot of things you could be doing to put an end to this, but none of them read my comics.

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Dumb War Weapons

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We launched another preemptive war of aggression that’s going to kill a lot of people and ruin even more lives for decades to come. At least Congress, including 157 House Democrats, retroactively signed off on it, ensuring this boondoggle is adequately funded while the rest of our lives aren’t.

With Iraq, there was a pretense of manufacturing consent, and public opinion supported it until the fact that it was a stupid war of choice became too obvious to ignore. Besides Congress and the media, nobody wants this war with Iran, and since planning is for nerds, the consequences are already extremely unpopular.

We all just have to sit and watch, and hope the blowback doesn’t happen to us personally, since the ostensible opposition party’s plan is to wait for us to bail them out in the midterms. So much damage is going to happen between now and then. And it all might’ve been prevented if Biden and Merrick Garland released any of the freaky Epstein details that have been trickling out over the past year when they could’ve influenced an election.

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More Schmaltzmark Channel Holiday Specials

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Just two weeks till Christmas and I’m making a recurring bit of a thing I did last year to give me some lead time to wrap things up to meet my end-of-year deadlines. Most of these are silly little gags that could be evergreen except for the unprovoked attacks on Venezuelan boats.

The administration and Pete Hegseth are widely loathed for their actions, but Congress just renewed the National Defense Authorization Act to keep funding their atrocities. Too much of the economy is wrapped up in that bill to shut it down, and whatever’s left is trapped in the A.I. bubble that’s about to burst.

Anyway, happy holidays!

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Hegseth’s Texts

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After two month’s of what would be the end of any other administration’s scandals, the one that seems to have stuck is Pete Hegseth communicating war crimes through insecure channels. The war crimes themselves are the same stuff we’ve been doing for a quarter century, but the Department of Defense at least tried to wait a while before letting the media know about it.

Hegseth was grossly unqualified from the get-go, and his boozy stink should be on every senator who voted to confirm him, or anyone in this fascist cabinet. Another thing this leak illustrates is how little Trump is involved in his own administration. These goons are free to do whatever freak shit they want while the demented president golfs or watches TV.

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