HouseGOP


2024 Congressional Schedule

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The new year has begun and so has the countdown to 24/7 election talk. Not here, though. Getting it out early while we’re all shaking off holiday hangovers and/or the latest covid surge.

I won’t keep harping on Mike Johnson and Republicans actively wanting to do a coup, that’s a well-known fact. But Schumer (and Biden) have wasted the past three years on the mixed-messaging of praising bipartisanship and working with Republicans while simultaneously claiming they’re an imminent threat to democracy. Gotta sharpen up the contrasts for the low-information dum-dums who have all our fates in their simple, fickle hands.

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Meet Mike Johnson

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After three weeks of chaos, the House Republicans finally settled on their generic right-wing freak. Like everyone else, I never heard of Mike Johnson until this week. He’s a full-blown coup-thusiast, white supremacist, and evangelical anti-abortion authoritarian.

Who knows how long Johnson will keep the job, but his successor will be even more fascist if the Republicans get to pick it. This all could’ve been avoided if the insurrectionist members of Congress were expelled as the Constitution explicitly calls for. Now we’re stuck with them and if the House majority isn’t flipped by a sizable margin in 2024, they’re going to install themselves permanently.

Having fascist goons as your opponent may help increase voter turnout, but that only works if the fascists honor election results; which they’ve already shown they won’t.

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Speaker of the House Auditions

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Nine months after he barely squeaked into the speakership, Kevin McCarthy was ousted by the Ding-Dong Caucus. I was pleasantly surprised the Democrats didn’t bail him out for the sake of “norms, bipartisanship” or some other bullshit. McCarthy refused to make any concessions to earn that kind of unprecedented act and deserves to be the historical footnote he is.

More shutdowns and parliamentary brinkmanship are sure to ensue, but they were already going to under McCarthy. Best to make the Republicans flail around and demonstrate just how unfit for office they’ve always been.

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Kevin McCarthy’s Inquiries

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This week McCarthy announced the House’s Biden impeachment inquiry that the Ding Dong Caucus demanded to get their support for his speakership. It’s going to be real dumb and full of garbage that the media will dutifully cover as straight news to appear to be objective observers of the two parties.

In good news, no actual legislation except some stopgap thing to avert a shutdown will get through Congress this session, then nothing is going to happen legislatively until after the 2024 election. So hopefully I won’t have to draw this guy again for a while.

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Aliens Address Congress!

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House Republicans took a little break from obsessing over Hunter Biden to have a hearing about UFOs, or UAP (Unidentified Aerial Phenomena) as the cool kids are saying these days. While I enjoy reading about cryptid and UFO lore, anything that hasn’t been clearly caught on a smartphone or dashcam by now is probably a coyote with mange or a some classified Pentagon toy.

Mathematically, alien life is sure to exist. Intelligent life, in proximity to us in both time and space, however, is less likely. And life smart enough to travel faster than light has no reason to visit this shithole.

I used TOS Spock even though I enjoy Ethan Peck’s version in Strange New Worlds, and the series in general. The show feels like a novelty if only because they haven’t used CGI/AI to reanimate Nimoy’s corpse … yet.

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Beware of the Speaker

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As soon as Republicans squeaked out control of the House last November, I did a bunch of cartoons predicting this debt ceiling mess and ways to avoid it. Instead, the White House was high on their own supply and believed Republicans would magically become rational and not do the thing they campaigned on doing.

The solutions have been out there, being shouted by nobodies like myself, and “serious” people since the first time this happened during the Obama Administration. But arguments for the Trillion Dollar Coin and 14th Amendment hold little sway in a White House still enamored with the opinions of centrist toilet men.

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Speaker of the House Alternates

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There might be a Speaker of the House before anyone sees this, but not as of this posting. It is a pleasant change of pace to see “Republicans in disarray” be the media narrative of the week.

However, if the Democrats expelled and banned the Treason Caucus when they had the chamber and popular support following the coup, we wouldn’t be in this situation. At least they are (so far) not listening to idiot centrists’ calls for them to help the Republicans out of their own mess.

Six Republicans could end this by siding with the Dems, but governing isn’t really among any of their priorities. It’s all spectacle and obstruction to win the next election, so I guess we’re all screwed.

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Kevin McCarthy’s Anti-American Agenda

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Results are shaking out from last week’s election, and the Republicans will get a thin majority in the House, thanks mostly to New York Democrats rather than anything appealing offered by the GOP. Of course, if the Coup Caucus was expelled, and thorough impeachment trials were held, things probably never would’ve been this close.

So now we get another two years of debt ceiling crises, hearings about nothing, and nonstop coverage of Trump’s rallies now that he’s officially declared what we all knew he was gonna do.

At least the Senate didn’t change hands, so non-Federalist Society judges can get confirmed for two more years. Fingers crossed Ginni spills lube all over her and Clarence’s bathroom before time runs out on that too.

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