Republicans

Young Republicans Trading Cards

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This week Politico published leaked chats from “young” (in quotes because most are in their thirties) Republicans that reveal they’re racist, fascist, and anti-Semitic creeps. It’s not surprising to anyone who’s been online for the past quarter century, but if Politico, which is owned by a billionaire Trump supporter, is finding these groypers to be outside the bounds of normal politics, perhaps shame can regain a foothold in this country.

But someone who grew up in these chats is now the Vice President, so I wouldn’t hold out too much hope for that happening. It’s probably best to just pull the plug on the internet and keep these freaks isolated in their gross little lives.

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Republican Freedom Fighters

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The fascist crybullies have been hard at work snitching ever since Charlie Kirk’s assassination. From lowly employees’ rude social media posts, to hosts of late night shows, they’re giddy that the power of the state is being used to threaten anyone who points out they’re all fascist creeps. You can denounce political violence without lauding a guy who made a lucrative career promoting it. In fact, you should.

But now that most mainstream media is owned by one variety of billionaire asshole or another, you probably won’t be allowed on TV to say it.

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Massachusetts Flag Redesigns

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Massachusetts’ flag and seal are problematic, so every once in a while the state legislature pretends to do something about it. There is currently a public call for submissions, and while I don’t think I have any actual shot at winning, I figured it was a fun prompt for some jokes that aren’t about our country’s slide into fascism.

With the state and its cities being majority Democratic, Republicans frequently switch parties to actually have a shot at winning in general elections. Bob Kraft’s nepobaby Josh recently did this, and moved from neighboring Brookline, to challenge Mayor Wu, who is as good a mayor as I’ve ever seen. Kraft moved to Boston so hastily, he doesn’t even know what ward he lives in, something that everyone who votes regularly in Boston knows by heart.

If you’re not familiar with The Modern Lovers’ debut album, that’s what the seemingly random “Massachusetts Forever” panel is referencing. Jonathan Richman’s birthday was this week, so I’ve been listening to that album even more than usual.

I know it’s been five years, but yeah, I’m still salty about the Mookie Betts trade. The Bruins also traded longtime player and captain Brad Marchand earlier this year, and while he’s a a fan favorite, myself included, he’s on the backend of his career, not his prime like Betts.

As a native of Plymouth County, the pilgrims are synonymous with boring field trips and terrifying wax museums. Fuck them genocidaires and their buckle hats.

I’ve gotten a few comments that some of these should be t-shirts, so I did a soft launch of a store over on Threadless. I’ll be adding designs from comics in the future and promoting it more heavily once there’s a decent library.

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Republican Stuntman Confronts His Fears

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Republicans’ cruelty, greed, and ineptitude have been covered for years, with Tim Walz recently putting their weirdness in the national spotlight. But as the great political analyst Yoda once said, all this behavior originates from fear.

They are scaredy cats, whipping up their base of terrified suburbanites over imagined threats in order to win elections they know they can’t win on the merits. It would be one thing if they stayed in the bunkers while the rest of us live our lives, but they won’t rest until everyone’s as miserable as them.

I’d feel like I’m dating myself by referencing Evel Knievel or Super Dave, but Hot Rod came out this century, so I’m clinging to relevancy among the youths.

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Republicans’ Manual for Acting Normal

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“Republicans are weird.” has gone mainstream after Kamala Harris bluntly stated this obvious fact. Previously, you’d only hear it in alt-weeklies, late night jokes, and all over social media because the mainstream media was too busy doing both-sides coverage to notice how divorced from reality Republican politicians have truly become.

Republicans are struggling to refute this simple line of attack because it is true. Their policies, demeanors, and general vibe are just plain weird. The RNC was a freak show celebrating it before it became a liability! Their attempts to point out Democratic weirdness so far have been focused on quirky individuals who are weird in the cool sense and have neither the desire nor power to impose their weirdness on others.

There are still three months before the election, which is a lot of time, but not long enough for these weirdos to stop being creeps.

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NBC’s Pundit Search

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NBC hired former RNC chair Ronna McDaniel for a few minutes before rescinding the offer after employees and viewers voiced their disgust with having a coup-enabler on TV to lie about another election. The problem they and every other news outlet has is that there are no more mainstream Republicans who oppose doing another coup.

So they either have to point this out, or pretend the guy who’s been at the top of the Republican ticket for nearly a decade now is some weird aberration, instead of the standard-bearer of America’s fascist party. Presenting the fiction probably makes selling ads a lot easier.

Only a little more than six months for NBC and the rest of the media to figure out that both-sides-ing fascism won’t save them.

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Speaker of the House Auditions

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Nine months after he barely squeaked into the speakership, Kevin McCarthy was ousted by the Ding-Dong Caucus. I was pleasantly surprised the Democrats didn’t bail him out for the sake of “norms, bipartisanship” or some other bullshit. McCarthy refused to make any concessions to earn that kind of unprecedented act and deserves to be the historical footnote he is.

More shutdowns and parliamentary brinkmanship are sure to ensue, but they were already going to under McCarthy. Best to make the Republicans flail around and demonstrate just how unfit for office they’ve always been.

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