artificial intelligence


Whack Apps

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I was trying to escape the news by enjoying the NHL’s 4 Nations Tournament, but since the USA is now a belligerent pariah state, that wasn’t possible. I’m glad Canada won. I hope we don’t have to change the name of poutine to “Freedom Slop” or that our northern neighbors get nuked.

Even my attempt to write some goofy jokes about apps couldn’t avoid the reality of our country’s rapid descent into authoritarianism. I was certainly not alone in being a Cassandra about the dangers of not prosecuting and removing everyone involved with January 6th from political life, but everyone with influence wanted to move on and pretend 2017-2021 never happened.

We’d be in a much better place if people listened to us instead of Chris Coons, who declined to call witnesses at the impeachment trial four years ago so he and the Democrats could fuck off for Valentines Day.

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Sam Altman’s A.I. Bubble Burstin’ Blowout!

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The A.I. bubble’s burstin’, after every tech company spent the past year forcing it into their previously useable products. There’s no consumer demand for this crap, but it’s all they have, and their stockholders demand growth. It’ll join the Metaverse and crypto in the trash heap along with all the processors that were wasted rendering boobs on anime cartoons.

In the world of useful innovations, green energy has been on a feverish pace this year, but it’s boring and requires actual technical know-how, so the tech bros will have to invent a knew scam for their next round of pump-and-dumps.

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Stupid Food Revue

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RFK Jr. getting a brain worm from undercooked pork (or the fecal matter of someone else who ate undercooked pork [YUM!]) coincides with people desperate to get raw milk in their guts, even with H5N1 floating around in it. That seemed like a jumping off point for some silly stuff in between my “We’re still descending deeper into fascism, gang!” comics.

Here are my opinions of every gag in this comic.

  • Raw Milk: May Louis Pasteur haunt everyone who drinks this while they’re shitting their brains out.
  • Lead Chips: Lead poisoning, while not totally eliminated, is far below its peak of ruining developing Boomer brains. Unfortunately those leaded brains are still running things, and now they also have dementia.
  • Gray Slop: A.I. is being added to everything because it’s the hot new buzzword. It’s turning the entirety of human knowledge and creativity into a thin gruel we’re all supposed to slurp up for shareholders’ benefit.
  • Sports Betting Bars: I’ve been watching hockey and basketball playoffs a lot, and the gambling content is insane. It’s terrible for those with gambling addiction, and inscrutable to us fans who just want to watch a puck and a ball bounce around.
  • Homemade Meal Kits: Everyone gets a pass during lockdown, but there are still so many of these on the stoops of my neighbors, who are all ostensibly adults. I like convenience! I get groceries and food delivered sometimes when I’m lazy! These kits can’t be saving much time by having someone else chop a few veggies for you plus shipping.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m getting takeout tomorrow night cause I’m too lazy to do food prep.

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Budget Spring Books

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I returned to the fake books bit because the James Carville idea wouldn’t get out of my head. His face is on fundraising texts and he still pops up on the news, so I kept trying to write a whole comic about that skeleton man. Especially one where he’s offering advice from the early ’90s, while Ross Perot is Mr. Magooing his way in the background doing the real work. That is a 32+ year-old idea that even I shouldn’t remember. (I was 12 during that election.)

And by putting him in one panel, I spared the world multiple panels of extreme gross-ups.

I’m going to be in northern New England for Monday’s eclipse, so hopefully that’ll give me a chance to tear through my own pile of real books … if I don’t burn my retinas off.

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The Tesla Death Trap!

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A Tesla killed Mitch McConnell’s billionaire sister-in-law. It’s a tragedy … that she wasn’t driving with him at the time. The circumstances that caused that accident (and the countless other accidents) revealed a lot of Tesla “features” that ensure I’ll never set foot in one. Shifting gears via touchscreen, doors that require disassembly if the power fails, spontaneous battery combustion, the list goes on.

Everyone now knows Elon Musk is a drug-addled racist, and America’s full of ’em, but this one happens to be a billionaire who gets a ton of subsidies from the government and has access to a lot of its military and space infrastructure. He also controls the former Twitter, which most governmental officials and public figures still use despite it turning into a hub of stochastic terrorism and the worst jokes you’ve ever seen.

Hopefully my view of the eclipse next month isn’t spoiled by his shitty satellites.

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Incredible Global News 2023

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The year’s winding down and everyone’s getting ready for their annual Spreading-of-COVID celebrations. I don’t do year-end round-ups because I don’t want to remember any of that. These are just some recent news items and gags to illustrate before I do some last-minute shopping.

Since New Hampshire mooches off Boston’s media market, I’m already being bombarded with ads for the 2024 Republican primary (I watch sports, if you’re wondering how I get exposed to ads.) so it’s effectively already next year for me. It’s going to suck on the macro level, but I hope your personal new year is a decent one!

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Holiday Recipes

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The holidays snuck up on me, and judging by the Halloween decorations that were up in my neighborhood until this week, the same happened to a lot of people. We finally got our tree up and I’m sure it will be providing living room cheer through most of January.

I can’t say I’ve tested any of these recipes except for Grandma’s Edibles. And now that every formerly vacant storefront in Massachusetts is a dispensary that’s oversaturated the market with affordable edibles, I don’t think I will ever again.

Mike Johnson’s still Speaker and doing evil things quietly enough to avoid much mainstream media scrutiny. The guy’s a coup true believer and Democrats better come up with a better nickname than “MAGA Mike” before it’s too late.

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Winter Book Bargains

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I’m not traveling far for Thanksgiving, but I still have to get a cartoon done early for everyone who is.

It’s been a while since I did a cartoon even referencing COVID, but it is still out there thanks to everyone getting bored with mitigating it. I got my booster and still wear a mask when around sloppy strangers indoors. I recommend it to everyone who enjoys not getting sick.

Have a great long weekend if you’re lucky enough to not have to work retail during it!

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