Monthly Archives: December 2023

Republican Primaries’ Cryptid Candidates

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Like I wrote last week, I’m only aware of the 2024 also-rans due to my proximity to New Hampshire. They have some real freaks, but you-know-who’s going to be the nominee. More states should follow Colorado and Maine’s lead and kick him off the ballot, but the Supreme Court is packed with coup-lovin’ shitheads, so I’m not hopeful.

Unlike the Republican freak-of-the-week, I could draw cryptids forever. I only saw a moose once, so I count it as a cryptid. If that’s not satisfying, pretend I drew the aliens that “abducted” Betty and Barney Hill for New Hampshire instead.

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Incredible Global News 2023

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The year’s winding down and everyone’s getting ready for their annual Spreading-of-COVID celebrations. I don’t do year-end round-ups because I don’t want to remember any of that. These are just some recent news items and gags to illustrate before I do some last-minute shopping.

Since New Hampshire mooches off Boston’s media market, I’m already being bombarded with ads for the 2024 Republican primary (I watch sports, if you’re wondering how I get exposed to ads.) so it’s effectively already next year for me. It’s going to suck on the macro level, but I hope your personal new year is a decent one!

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Panera’s Extreme Menu

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Until they killed (allegedly) a couple people with their ultra-caffeinated lemonade, I had no idea Panera was in the extreme food business usually associated with Doritos, Mountain Dew, or that Paqui One Chip Challenge that also killed some folks. I just associated it with a place to mooch wifi while on roadtrips and indulge in a 1000 calorie sandwich if there’s absolutely nothing else in that strip mall.

This lemonade’s no joke either. It has way more caffeine than your usual energy drink, or even the pills you can find at a truck stop. There’s apparently enough of a fandom for these “charged” drinks, that’s there’s a subscription “Sip Club” for it.

I know I’m not the target demo for this. I’m middle-aged, have one (1) coffee in the morning, water all day, and a few beers on the weekend if I feel like enjoying an overpriced beverage that’s not good for me.

As for weight loss drugs like Ozempic, they are certainly having a moment. Maybe it’ll stick around like Botox, or go the way of the one drug that claimed to make your eyelashes longer. Oh, that’s still around too. Guess I didn’t know because they don’t advertise during hockey games.

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Holiday Recipes

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The holidays snuck up on me, and judging by the Halloween decorations that were up in my neighborhood until this week, the same happened to a lot of people. We finally got our tree up and I’m sure it will be providing living room cheer through most of January.

I can’t say I’ve tested any of these recipes except for Grandma’s Edibles. And now that every formerly vacant storefront in Massachusetts is a dispensary that’s oversaturated the market with affordable edibles, I don’t think I will ever again.

Mike Johnson’s still Speaker and doing evil things quietly enough to avoid much mainstream media scrutiny. The guy’s a coup true believer and Democrats better come up with a better nickname than “MAGA Mike” before it’s too late.

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COP28 Agenda Items

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The 28th UN climate conference started today and they’re finally gonna start taking climate change seriously. Or not. I did a cartoon about the 26th conference, and the 27th passed me by without even noticing. So my hopes aren’t high for this one.

Last week while willingly subjecting myself to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, I was unwillingly subjected to this ad showing how oil makes hospitals possible. It’s been out for a while, but it was the first time for me. Hopefully they’ll brainstorm a less craven message for their Super Bowl ad.

But don’t worry. Tomorrow I’m going to ride a bike to pick up groceries. That should offset our leaders’ climate inaction.

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