2024 election


Rejected Courtroom Sketches

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Trump’s been pulling a bunch of shenanigans in court that would have any other defendant in jail for contempt of court months ago. No judge wants to be the one to do the very obvious thing and apply consequences to this demented fascist for the first time in his life, because that’ll set a dangerous precedent that all ex-presidents are subject to laws.

With most of Trump’s trials not allowing video, or even cameras, courtroom sketch artists are having a moment. It’s a job that I thought I could do. They’re presumably employed by the court, with wages and benefits, and they don’t even have to do speech bubbles! Stenographers do that. How hard could it be?

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2024 Congressional Schedule

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The new year has begun and so has the countdown to 24/7 election talk. Not here, though. Getting it out early while we’re all shaking off holiday hangovers and/or the latest covid surge.

I won’t keep harping on Mike Johnson and Republicans actively wanting to do a coup, that’s a well-known fact. But Schumer (and Biden) have wasted the past three years on the mixed-messaging of praising bipartisanship and working with Republicans while simultaneously claiming they’re an imminent threat to democracy. Gotta sharpen up the contrasts for the low-information dum-dums who have all our fates in their simple, fickle hands.

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Republican Primaries’ Cryptid Candidates

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Like I wrote last week, I’m only aware of the 2024 also-rans due to my proximity to New Hampshire. They have some real freaks, but you-know-who’s going to be the nominee. More states should follow Colorado and Maine’s lead and kick him off the ballot, but the Supreme Court is packed with coup-lovin’ shitheads, so I’m not hopeful.

Unlike the Republican freak-of-the-week, I could draw cryptids forever. I only saw a moose once, so I count it as a cryptid. If that’s not satisfying, pretend I drew the aliens that “abducted” Betty and Barney Hill for New Hampshire instead.

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Incredible Global News 2023

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The year’s winding down and everyone’s getting ready for their annual Spreading-of-COVID celebrations. I don’t do year-end round-ups because I don’t want to remember any of that. These are just some recent news items and gags to illustrate before I do some last-minute shopping.

Since New Hampshire mooches off Boston’s media market, I’m already being bombarded with ads for the 2024 Republican primary (I watch sports, if you’re wondering how I get exposed to ads.) so it’s effectively already next year for me. It’s going to suck on the macro level, but I hope your personal new year is a decent one!

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Prurient Pundits

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The post-midterm, off-year elections happened this week, and every professional opinion-haver is trying to turn the results of extremely local races into their 2024 election predictions. What else are they gonna do? Report on a well-researched subject with new information? Let an expert talk instead? Of course not.

I’m going to try to avoid any 2024 election content for as long as possible. Barring any actuarial realities catching up to the frontrunners, the primaries are a sideshow with a foregone conclusion.

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RFK Jr.’s Kennedy Conspiracies

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RFK Jr.’s been an anti-vaccine crank for decades and his primary challenge to Biden is ostensibly meant to appeal to Democratic primary voters, but he’s been doing nothing but indistinguishing himself from your average right-winger who spends too much time online.

He recently said some pretty heinous shit about Jews and China regarding COVID and even his family had to denounce him. Kennedy influence is finally waning in Massachusetts with this generation of nepo babies, and the the number of voters that instinctively check the box with that name next to it is shrinking every day. Thanks in part to RFK Jr.’s active role in killing vulnerable people with his COVID misinformation.

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