fast food

Stupid Food Revue

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RFK Jr. getting a brain worm from undercooked pork (or the fecal matter of someone else who ate undercooked pork [YUM!]) coincides with people desperate to get raw milk in their guts, even with H5N1 floating around in it. That seemed like a jumping off point for some silly stuff in between my “We’re still descending deeper into fascism, gang!” comics.

Here are my opinions of every gag in this comic.

  • Raw Milk: May Louis Pasteur haunt everyone who drinks this while they’re shitting their brains out.
  • Lead Chips: Lead poisoning, while not totally eliminated, is far below its peak of ruining developing Boomer brains. Unfortunately those leaded brains are still running things, and now they also have dementia.
  • Gray Slop: A.I. is being added to everything because it’s the hot new buzzword. It’s turning the entirety of human knowledge and creativity into a thin gruel we’re all supposed to slurp up for shareholders’ benefit.
  • Sports Betting Bars: I’ve been watching hockey and basketball playoffs a lot, and the gambling content is insane. It’s terrible for those with gambling addiction, and inscrutable to us fans who just want to watch a puck and a ball bounce around.
  • Homemade Meal Kits: Everyone gets a pass during lockdown, but there are still so many of these on the stoops of my neighbors, who are all ostensibly adults. I like convenience! I get groceries and food delivered sometimes when I’m lazy! These kits can’t be saving much time by having someone else chop a few veggies for you plus shipping.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m getting takeout tomorrow night cause I’m too lazy to do food prep.

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Panera’s Extreme Menu

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Until they killed (allegedly) a couple people with their ultra-caffeinated lemonade, I had no idea Panera was in the extreme food business usually associated with Doritos, Mountain Dew, or that Paqui One Chip Challenge that also killed some folks. I just associated it with a place to mooch wifi while on roadtrips and indulge in a 1000 calorie sandwich if there’s absolutely nothing else in that strip mall.

This lemonade’s no joke either. It has way more caffeine than your usual energy drink, or even the pills you can find at a truck stop. There’s apparently enough of a fandom for these “charged” drinks, that’s there’s a subscription “Sip Club” for it.

I know I’m not the target demo for this. I’m middle-aged, have one (1) coffee in the morning, water all day, and a few beers on the weekend if I feel like enjoying an overpriced beverage that’s not good for me.

As for weight loss drugs like Ozempic, they are certainly having a moment. Maybe it’ll stick around like Botox, or go the way of the one drug that claimed to make your eyelashes longer. Oh, that’s still around too. Guess I didn’t know because they don’t advertise during hockey games.

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