David Zaslav


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There are still residents, including citizens, getting exiled (deported ain’t the right word), but Hakeem Jeffries and Democratic leadership have decided that members of Congress visiting them in gulags to highlight their plight is a distraction from the important work of their latest stunt. Impeachment and obstruction are also considered “distractions” so the Democrats’ message is clear: We’re on our own, until the fundraising texts begin again.

David Zaslav makes $50+ million a year to make decisions that everyone knows are dumber than dogshit. Dude is very lucky Luigi Mangione wasn’t a superfan of any of the shows he abruptly cancelled.

AG Sulzberger recently published some self-indulgent op-ed about preserving democracy and press freedoms that are under attack, presumably while wearing Tim Robinson’s hot dog outfit from I Think You Should Leave. This “Just-Asking-Questions” nepo-baby’s paper recently did a glow-up profile of Curtis “Moldbug” Yarvin, an internet forum crank and white supremacist from the early aughts who has somehow captured the imaginations of the racist dullards who are ruining everything.

I’d recommend an actual good book here, but I’ve been self-soothing by reading the dumbest pulp sci-fi books on my nightstand lately. So unless you’re a teen reading this in the late ’60s or ’70s I don’t think they’d be your thing.

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Incredible Global News 2024

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It’s that time of year for a recurring bit I use to get ahead for the holidays. I have one more to draw before I close the books on this miserable year. Even though there’s always more bad news to come, I’m giving myself the gift of mostly ignoring it until after the New Year.

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Incredible Global News 2023

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The year’s winding down and everyone’s getting ready for their annual Spreading-of-COVID celebrations. I don’t do year-end round-ups because I don’t want to remember any of that. These are just some recent news items and gags to illustrate before I do some last-minute shopping.

Since New Hampshire mooches off Boston’s media market, I’m already being bombarded with ads for the 2024 Republican primary (I watch sports, if you’re wondering how I get exposed to ads.) so it’s effectively already next year for me. It’s going to suck on the macro level, but I hope your personal new year is a decent one!

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CEO’s Scab Shows

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I was originally going to mock Drew Barrymore and Bill Maher for scabbing when they announced they were putting their shows back into production while the WGA/SAG-AFTRA strikes are still going on. Unlike CEOs, some celebrities are capable of shame, and both changed their minds after a week of ridicule. I still had to put a Maher jab in here ’cause he sucks.

If the strike continues much longer, the studios’ pipeline of new stuff will dry up. They may think they can wait the unions out, but audiences are less patient and won’t keep their subscriptions autorenewing if the only new stuff they’re getting are reality TV and game shows.

If these CEOs can’t get their shit together, they deserve to be bought out by UPS, a company that realized averting strike for a few million in benefits is better business than losing billions to stick it to the unions.

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Zaslav TV

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David Zaslav has been rapidly turning what was once HBO into a low-rent content farm that makes Tubi’s offerings look like Masterpiece Theatre. Other studios and streaming platforms are pulling the same stunts to avoid paying residuals and axing entire shows for the tax write-offs. But Zaslav’s work at Warner Bros. Discovery really stands out for his unctuousness while doing it.

The Writers Guild is still on strike, and their modest demands to be paid slightly more would barely make a dent in the executive salaries of assholes like Zaslav.

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