The entire media industry is collapsing, for lowly cartoonists like me all the way up to the makers of prestige HBO shows. But if you’re a columnist who’s made being weird and wrong your thing, you can keep pumping out a couple hundred words of nothing and keep cashing those checks in perpetuity.
For every workplace disaster, Jeff Bezos is going to shoot a celebrity into space to distract us. And since Congress and Biden have essentially tabled all further legislation until 2023, it’ll probably work!
Not only should Amazon be broken up, Jeff Bezos’ fortune AND his acutal physical form should be as well. This monster amassed even greater fortunes during the pandemic, while subjecting his employees to grinding in miserable conditions.
Eventually he and Elon Musk will monopolize enough of the world, that they’ll be the only two businessmen I have to know how to draw.
(panel 1 – Title above Jeff Bezos pushing a shopping cart containing Earth.)
Jeff Bezos’ Monopoly Spree
(panel 2 – Jeff Bezos with the MGM logo, with the lion replaced with Scabby the Rat.)
Bezos, “After acquiring MGM, I’m replacing their iconic lion with a union-busting scab.”
(panel 3 – Jeff Bezos dressed as James Bond, showing of a license to kill.)
Bezos, “Then casting myself as the next 007, with a license to kill small businesses.”
(panel 4 – Jeff Bezos with the Toxic Avenger.)
Bezos, “I’m also buying Troma Entertainment, and rebranding the Toxic Avenger as a champion of employee abuse.”
(panel 5 – Jeff Bezos at a storage unit with VHS tapes, film reels, and other old media.)
Bezos, “I even bought your home movie library, so you now have to subscribe to Prime to watch your precious memories!”
(panel 6 – Jeff Bezos blowing dust of the Sherman Antitrust Act of 1890.)
Bezos, “My latest purchase is the United States’ antitrust laws. They weren’t using them anyway.”
Governors want you to go indoor dining on Valentine’s, so book your St. Paddy’s ICU while you’re at it.
A fun week to goof on Marjorie Taylor Greene, and eventually expel her, but basing the entire 2022 midterm campaign on “Q-Anon is crazy!” will get much worse results than actually passing a robust stimulus that puts dollars in voters’ wallets.
I’ve been doing joke Thanksgiving recipes off and on for 19 years. This is the bleakest group yet. I live within 25 miles of my immediate family, and might see them masked and distanced in a yard as we exchange food we made in Tupperware. And I’m one of the lucky ones.
Stay safe so we can do this all over again for next month’s holidays.
I focused on the Long Island City part of Amazon’s reveal, and not Northern Virginia’s Crystal City because there’s like I’m a Northeast Coast Elitist, and New York City is the southernmost city where I know anything about its local politics.
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