Jeffrey Epstein

Recession Recipes

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How is it a week before Thanksgiving already? The holidays are always a mess of early deadlines to accommodate publications that have staff who get time off, unlike myself. This happens predictably every year, so naturally I’m scrambling at the last minute once again to get things out before everyone hunkers down while we wait to see what horrors 2025 still has in store for us before it’s 2026’s turn to kick our ass.

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Mike Johnson’s Food Bank

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The federal government’s been shutdown for a month and SNAP funding is about to be denied to tens of millions of hungry families. Republicans are threatening to starve people in order to deny them medical care. Real cartoon villain shit, yet somehow there’s a good chance Democrats will blink and throw their constituents under one evil bus to avoid another.

Mike Johnson is a vile little worm, and he’s not even fun to draw. Just your basic Heritage Foundation nerd who’d eat his own grandmother if it gave him a sliver of power. Johnson’s refusing to seat Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election months ago. She’d be the deciding vote to release the Epstein files, so Speaker Worm is refusing to swear her into Congress.

The House has barely been in session this year, so Johnson and his son have had a lot of time to monitor each other’s porn habits while the country burns.

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White House Renovations

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After a fun and inspiring weekend of No Kings protests (which I’ll be posting about later as this month’s Patreon exclusive), it was back to the Trump’s Demented Fascism Show. In the midst of the shutdown, drone-striking innocent people in international waters, and ICE continuing to terrorize cities, this administration demolished the East Wing of the White House to build their Bribery Ballroom, brought to you by corporate sponsors and the failure to enforce the Emoluments Clause the first time around.

Destroying an historic building is obviously minor compared to the daily horrors Trump’s inflicting on actual living human beings, but the symbolism to what he’s doing to the country is so blatant even the media is starting to notice the big ol’ binch ain’t right in the head. Maybe the Democratic leadership will be next to notice.

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Epstein Excuses

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A scandal is finally sticking to Trump because his dementia has caused him to forget about the Streisand Effect. He previously plowed past every outrage and continued being the worst person on Earth to his adoring fans. For whatever reason, the Epstein accusations are really causing our swollen big boy distress and only an idiot would stop pressing him on the issue.

And if Bill Clinton gets dragged down with him, I say: GOOD.

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Mentor a Billionaire Today

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We need a complete and total shutdown of billionaires until we figure out what’s going on.

If we’re not going to expropriate their wealth, we can at least round them up in squalid camps where they can’t hurt the rest of us.

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