police brutality


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These T.V. shows I made up are still more informative than anything on cable news. I don’t watch any of it, yet somehow I’m aware that things are bad and getting worse.

Unlike what seems like everybody else, I’m still quarantining and soon it will be too cold to do that outside on long walks or the porch. So I’ll eventually look at cable news out of sheer boredom and immediately regret doing that.

If you don’t know what the numbers are above the show titles, ask your grandparents to show you a copy of their TV Guides.

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Cops Get Real Jobs

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The cops have been helpfully illustrating how irredeemable they are these past few weeks. Defund their departments and start from scratch. Raise taxes on the wealthy, too, and we might just have the beginnings of a functioning society.

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Build Your Own Photo Op

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Massive protests are rightfully erupting across the country over police brutality, and of course Trump’s scared. Cops are like half of his base.

Democrats aren’t exempt either. They take donations from pigs, their unions, and get cowed by threats like DeBlasio displayed this week.

I do a headline comic every week for The Nib!

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Fast Food Fetishist

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We probably shouldn’t discourage cops from manufacturing insults on their lunches as long as it’s keeping them off the streets and murdering citizens.

I only lightly waded into the news while on my mini-holiday, but the cop insulting himself on his coffee was a fun distraction from the usual horrifying bullshit.

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Meet Mike Bloomberg’s Biggest Fans

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Sharing a media market with most of New Hampshire’s population means I’m already bombarded with Tom Steyer’s faux-cornpone ads during every Bruins game. Now with Bloomberg’s $37-million ad buy, there’ll be no space to advertise everything else I’m also not buying.

I’m a sucker for pandering to the local audience, even though I haven’t been in a Boston area paper since the beginning of this decade.

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Coffee Sensitivity Training

Starbucks is getting a lot of rightly deserved flack for calling the cops on two black men, but every other franchise in America is just as likely to be the scene of the same prejudiced thing as long as white customers, employees, and managers wet their pants at the sight of a minority and call the trigger-happy cops.

You can probably tell I don’t often travel beyond the Northeast by the franchises I used. I’m sure the chain brand coffee’s bad in whatever region you live in. Just be a cheapo like me and enjoy french press of whatever beans your wife buys.

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