Mark Zuckerberg

Incredible Global News 2023

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The year’s winding down and everyone’s getting ready for their annual Spreading-of-COVID celebrations. I don’t do year-end round-ups because I don’t want to remember any of that. These are just some recent news items and gags to illustrate before I do some last-minute shopping.

Since New Hampshire mooches off Boston’s media market, I’m already being bombarded with ads for the 2024 Republican primary (I watch sports, if you’re wondering how I get exposed to ads.) so it’s effectively already next year for me. It’s going to suck on the macro level, but I hope your personal new year is a decent one!

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Box Office Bombs

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I still haven’t returned to going to the movies. Mostly due to never being a fan of crowded theaters even before COVID. But maybe if the numbers are low and the edibles are just right, I’ll get tickets to see Dune Part II.

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Mark Zuckerberg’s DIY Metaverse

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Every announcement from Zuckerberg about his pet Metaverse project has been met with much-deserved derision. It seems like he’s been forcing hype around something that looks like a Second Life knockoff for almost then 20 years since Second Life was relevant.

The idea of a virtual office at a time when employers are desperate to get everyone back in the real office only sounds good to manager-types. Those fortunate enough to work from home during the (still-ongoing) pandemic experienced what us freelance work-from-home slobs have already known: Sleeping in and no commute rules.

As part of his Metaverse pitch, it appears Zuckerberg changed his wardrobe to a long-sleeve shirt. I believe this was to ease the burden on his beleaguered programmers who’ve had to crunch to upgrade his avatar after each round of ridicule.

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Incredible Global News 2021

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We’re entering another pandemic winter where at least half the country is just ignoring it and going on with their holidays plans despite the lack of adequate testing. We’re in for a fun 2022.

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Facebook’s Innovations

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Facebook recently unveiled some “new” things, such as smart glasses and virtual conference rooms. Which makes sense, since anybody old enough to remember Google Glass and Second Life fondly is old enough to be Facebook’s target demo.

Each time I log onto that garbage to post a cartoon, it’s a user-interface nightmare, not to mention the awful posts that get promoted to the top of the feed before I can toss some likes on my Mom’s posts before I log out.

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Incredible Billionaire Adventures

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The pandemic’s still going (and worsening), half the country’s on fire, and the other half’s alternating between floods and heat waves every other week. This as the backdrop for billionaires racing to recreate something the Soviets first accomplished (Sorry, Alan Shepard and John Glenn.) almost 60 years ago doesn’t say much for the free market’s ability to conquer space.

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Facebook’s Oversight Orb

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Facebook’s oversight board made some news this week for issuing a toothless decree about kicking a certain ex-president off their platform. A shame actual regulations don’t apply to them and they get to make up their own on the fly.

(panel 1 – Title above a floating orb with Mark Zuckerberg’s face.)
Facebook’s Oversight Orb
(panel 2 – The Zuckerberg Orb hovering over someone typing at a computer.)
typing inset, “The Democrats are harvesting baby blood to commit SUPER VOTER FRAUD!”
Zuckerberg, “Not true, but the algorithm’s gonna spew this into everyone’s feed!”
(panel 3 – The Zuckerberg Orb hovering over a board meeting at Facebook headquarters.)
executive, “Should advertisers be running these invasive, creepy ads?”
Zuckerberg, “You say ‘creepy;’ I say ‘HIGHLY TARGETED.'”
(panel 4 – The Zuckerberg Orb hovering over someone texting.)
texting inset, “Bill Gates put tracking microchips in the vaccines!”
(panel 5 – The Zuckerberg Orb hovering over someone texting.)
Zuckerberg, “Keep posting that while you continue to let me track everything you do!”

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Jerk-in-the-Ballot Box

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Despite attempts to sabotage the Post Office, turnout for Massachusetts’ primary* on Tuesday was at an all-time high, thanks to early voting and cities and towns placing dropboxes to collect ballots that couldn’t be mailed in time. Naturally, voter suppression attempts will ramp up for the general, so register to vote, and get your ballots in and returned as early as possible.

*What a relief that Ed Markey won. Pelosi and the establishment wing of the Democrats would’ve taken a Kennedy win as a sign that no one to the left of Joe Manchin mattered and we’d be on our way to Austerity II and misery for years.

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