Chuck Schumer


Justice Breyer, the Scrivener

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I’m not usually an optimist, but the balance of the Supreme Court is just a Clarence coronary and a Kavanaugh DUI fatality away from being restored. Those odds are diminished if Breyer pulls an Anthony Kennedy and sticks around to let a Republican president pay off his kids’ debts for the opportunity to appoint his successor.

Maybe it’s ageist, but the last time hoping an ancient justice clung to life didn’t work out so well. Breyer can do whatever it is Sandra Day O’Connor’s been up to. (Just Googled, she’s still alive at 91.)

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Coronaversary Cards

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The first anniversary gift is paper, and hopefully we’ll all be vaccinated by the second.

A whole year and over half a million dead because we couldn’t pay people to stay home and businesses to close last March. Senseless. Even with the end potentially in sight, governors are opening up their states for more surges, while the new Congress and President kiss centrists’ butts to water down a relief bill that was already too little, too late.

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The Senate’s Suicide Squad

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There’s plenty of obstruction from Republicans. No need for a Sabotage Caucus to help find “common ground” with the same people who tried to have them murdered three weeks ago.

Democrats have ostensibly had the majority in the Senate for a week now, and Republicans are still in charge of committees because Chuck and this bunch are too chicken to use the power voters and volunteers gave them.

Every week where nothing’s done is another week closer to the 2022 midterms. The pandemic death toll will keep climbing as people have to work even while the Senate isn’t. “Not Trump” isn’t going push them over the finish line this time.

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Quack COVID-19 Cures

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I don’t recommend ingesting aquarium cleaner, but the little diving guy with the bubbles coming out of his helmet is better suited to manage this crisis than Republicans.

Week three of quarantine saw more stuff shut down, and a bunch of people lose their jobs. A lot of people are in denial, and will probably stay there until footage of bodies stacked in unused hockey rinks become common. Grim times! But I’ll keep drawing jokes to pay for that next bag of beans.

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