Amazon


Jeff Bezos’ Monopoly Spree

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Not only should Amazon be broken up, Jeff Bezos’ fortune AND his acutal physical form should be as well. This monster amassed even greater fortunes during the pandemic, while subjecting his employees to grinding in miserable conditions.

Eventually he and Elon Musk will monopolize enough of the world, that they’ll be the only two businessmen I have to know how to draw.

(panel 1 – Title above Jeff Bezos pushing a shopping cart containing Earth.)
Jeff Bezos’ Monopoly Spree
(panel 2 – Jeff Bezos with the MGM logo, with the lion replaced with Scabby the Rat.)
Bezos, “After acquiring MGM, I’m replacing their iconic lion with a union-busting scab.”
(panel 3 – Jeff Bezos dressed as James Bond, showing of a license to kill.)
Bezos, “Then casting myself as the next 007, with a license to kill small businesses.”
(panel 4 – Jeff Bezos with the Toxic Avenger.)
Bezos, “I’m also buying Troma Entertainment, and rebranding the Toxic Avenger as a champion of employee abuse.”
(panel 5 – Jeff Bezos at a storage unit with VHS tapes, film reels, and other old media.)
Bezos, “I even bought your home movie library, so you now have to subscribe to Prime to watch your precious memories!”
(panel 6 – Jeff Bezos blowing dust of the Sherman Antitrust Act of 1890.)
Bezos, “My latest purchase is the United States’ antitrust laws. They weren’t using them anyway.”

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2021 Valentine Cards

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Governors want you to go indoor dining on Valentine’s, so book your St. Paddy’s ICU while you’re at it.

A fun week to goof on Marjorie Taylor Greene, and eventually expel her, but basing the entire 2022 midterm campaign on “Q-Anon is crazy!” will get much worse results than actually passing a robust stimulus that puts dollars in voters’ wallets.

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A Cornucopia of COVID-19 Recipes

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I’ve been doing joke Thanksgiving recipes off and on for 19 years. This is the bleakest group yet. I live within 25 miles of my immediate family, and might see them masked and distanced in a yard as we exchange food we made in Tupperware. And I’m one of the lucky ones.

Stay safe so we can do this all over again for next month’s holidays.

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Amazon’s Amenities

Amazon’s HQ2 dog and pony show is over and the winner was never in doubt. Congratulations to Jeff Bezos and his money vault.

I focused on the Long Island City part of Amazon’s reveal, and not Northern Virginia’s Crystal City because there’s like I’m a Northeast Coast Elitist, and New York City is the southernmost city where I know anything about its local politics.

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The Amazon Bidding Game

The Amazon Bidding GameMayors and governors are debasing themselves and their constituents for the chance to woo Amazon’s second headquarters. Here in Boston, we already did this with GE, a failed Olympic bid, and an indy car race that no one but our Mayor wanted. Thankfully our local sports teams have fully privately funded stadiums, so we didn’t have to endure that nightmare common to other municipalities.

If you live in Boston, please vote Tito Jackson for mayor so we can stop embarrassing ourselves.

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The Amazon Economy

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Jeff Bezos is buying Whole Foods and now Amazon’s one step closer to becoming the kind of monopolistic mega-corporation previously only seen in the Robocop franchise.

The days of antitrust laws are long gone, but maybe one day there will be the political will to break up Bezos’ empire like Ma Bell and Standard Oil.

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