Brian McFadden

Trump Slaughters the Food Supply

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I got rid of my car four years ago, and used Zipcar for groceries and supply runs. I’m not sitting in someone else’s germs, so we rely on delivery now. Thankfully there’s a local store that’s sources stuff locally, so its supply chains aren’t as strained as the monopolies.

We currently have enough meat and fish, but I would kill for a grocery chain rotisserie chicken and the chicken salad I’d make out of the leftovers.

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Declassified UFOs Identified!

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I took a cue from the White House and both houses of Congress and didn’t do any work about the pandemic this week. The Pentagon officially declassified some UFO videos and they were a welcome distraction from all the bad news.

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Trump vs. the Postal Service

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On top of the current crisis and depression, the Post Office has an insane requirement to fund its pensions 75 years into the future. Eliminate that, add postal banking while you’re at it, and it’ll be able to help us all survive the next several months of quarantine.

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Quarantine TV

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Not only are we under house arrest, it’s been cold and rainy for most of the quarantine so far. Without being able to escape to our triple decker’s balconies, my wife and I are watching A LOT of T.V. The commercials that are about the pandemic are the worst part. And that’s even including Tiger King.

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Quack COVID-19 Cures

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I don’t recommend ingesting aquarium cleaner, but the little diving guy with the bubbles coming out of his helmet is better suited to manage this crisis than Republicans.

Week three of quarantine saw more stuff shut down, and a bunch of people lose their jobs. A lot of people are in denial, and will probably stay there until footage of bodies stacked in unused hockey rinks become common. Grim times! But I’ll keep drawing jokes to pay for that next bag of beans.

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Mitch McConnell’s Antisocial Distancing

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Hope you and your loved ones are all safe. My wife’s been able to work from home, so we’re lucky. We left the house once for a walk around Franklin Park in Boston. Everyone observed good social distancing practices.

We’ve also been doing daily video chats with my parents, trying to keep their spirits up while they’re stuck at home.

A huge thanks to everyone who works in the service industry. They deserve so much more than $15 an hour. Every pandemic profiteer should have their ill-gotten gains taken away and given to every clerk and delivery person who’s keeping 300 million panicky people fed.

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